Commercial for Children’s Advil:
Narrator (Sounds like Chuck Norris): Children’s Advil.
(shows two children playing in a backyard)
Narrator: Children’s Advil for the boo-boo times and the owhwee times, and for the other times when you feel bad.
(shows two kids swinging on a swing)
Narrator: Children’s Advil has just enough goodness in it to take all the clouds out of your party, and can protect you from bad people.
Second narrator speak over (sounds like John Travolta): Children’s Advil cannot take clouds out of the sky, and cannot make bad people go away… sorry, wish it could, but we tried.
Narrator: Children’s Advil is endorsed by every doctor in the world… including India.
Second Narrator: Not a lot of doctors around the world even know about Children’s Advil… but we wish they did.
(shows two kids jumping rope)
Narrator: Children’s Advil has no side effects or bad qualities in any shape of form.
Second Narrator: Children’s Advil has many side effects and should not be taken by anyone who is pregnant, smart, dumb, dead, or alive. Fat people should never even think about taking Children’s Advil… as a matter of fact it is dangerous. It is so poisonous that three people who took our drug in a double blind taste test immediately disappeared. We are not in fact sure if the alive or dead but we think they are dead. As a matter of fact just write them off as dead anyway. Even the smell of Children’s Advil is dangerous. we’ve even seen it kill small horses at a mile away.
Narrator: I even give it to my children, so you know its good.
Second narrator: I know for a fact that he does not give his children Children’s Advil. He keeps it locked away in the bunker far below his house, in concrete. But even that is corroding away slowly to the horrible acid emitting as we speak from the Children’s Advil.
Narrator: I myself take Children’s Advil. That’s how not scarred I am of it harming anyone.
Second Narrator: This was recorded before he indeed did take Children’s Advil. He is now dead. I adopted his children and now they are more then protected from the evil of Children’s Advil.
Narrator: Children’s Advil. Great for anyone at any age. Children’s Advil… works for me. and for the world.
Second Narrator: Children’s Advil is quite possibly the devil in pill form. IT WILL CAUSE INSTANT DEATH TO ANYONE GIVEN OR AROUND IT. Children’s Advil will not work for you or the world. It is even illegal to have, own, or see from a distance in the following countries: USA, UNITED KINGDOM, EUROPE, ASIA, ANTARTICA, THE NORTH POLE, PARTS OF SOUTH AMERICA, CUBA, PUERTO RICO MOST OF THE WEEK, AFRICA, CANADA, THE NORTHERN PARTS OF AUSTRALIA, AND THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE.
Third Narrator: Childrens Advil, if you get too close… get an Exorcist.